On the lighter side . . .

After two very heavy, serious, potentially downer posts, I thought I'd share a little humor with you. This is an almost exact re-creation of my morning.

     0800 - Alarm goes off and I roll out of bed. Must call the California Board of Nursing to find out why my nursing license hasn't been renewed, even though I sent the renewal back in November. November 7th to be exact.
     0802 - Look up telephone number on internet and dial. Busy signal!
     0802 - Dial number again, it rings . . . this is a good sign, but wait, no. Me, "Hi, my name is . . ." I am cut off by the automated voice, "The California Board of Incompetence, I mean, Nursing is closed each Friday by executive order of the Guvner, Ahhnold. To continue in English, press 1. Por continua en espanol, marke tres." Now this is the United States of America. Should I really have to choose my language to conduct business? I think not. But I digress. I press one and the automated voice continues, "Please visit our website to conduct ALL your business. If you are foolish enough to believe you can actually speak to a human being, press zero." I press zero and hear, "Ha ha ha, you foolish human being. Due to a rash of other foolish human beings, you will never speak to a human on this call! Good bye!" Click.
     0804 - Redial, busy signal. Redial, busy signal. Redial, busy signal. Redial, busy signal. Redial, busy signal.
     0805 - Go get a large cup of coffee. Redial, busy signal. Redial, busy signal. Redial, busy signal.
     0806 - Redial, busy signal. Redial, IT RINGS! I wait this time, and the automated voice answers. "It's a beautiful foggy Sacramento Monday Morning here at the California Board of Nursing . . ." I press zero, hoping against hope to speak with a living, breathing person. The fast becoming despicable automated voice assures me, "We are experiencing an abnormally high volume of calls at this time." My mind wonders, "What would a normally high volume of calls be?"
     The curiously lilting voice continues, "Please stay on the line and someone from Customer Service will be with you shortly. The music comes on. It is Wagner's Ring Cycle, I think. Maybe this explains the nearly 4 Trillion Dollar State deficit. Ahhnold is blowing all the state's money on upscale Muzak!
     0807 - Holding
     0808, 0809, 0810, 0811, 0812, 0813, 0814, 0815, 0816, 0817, 0818, and 0819 - Holding, listening to Wagner. Whilst on hold, I replace the ink cartridge in the printer, cajole it and the computer to actually speak to each other to recognize that yes, there is ink and yes, I can print. Finally, shutting down both machines and restarting them suddenly causes them to see the light.
    0820 - In the midst of printing, I hear an ominous click on the line. "Oh no," I think, "They've hung up on me!" Fortunately my fears are assuaged when an effeminate sounding male voice states. "Thank you for surviving the Automated Gauntlet. My name is Josephus (name changed to protect the innnocent). How may I assist you?" HALLELUJAH, it's a real, live boy, I mean, person!
    I explain my situation in as polite a manner as possible. "What's you number, big boy?" He asks. "Uhh . . ." I garble. He sighs, "Your license number?" "OH!" Big relief on my part. I give it to him.
    "Were you attempting to change your name or address with your license renewal?" he asks. "My address," I explain. "Just let me get the correct information and we will update it online this evening and have your new license to you in a jiffy!" He replies. I give him the correct information, and then he asks, "Are you sure you aren't changing your name as well?" I reassure the gentleman (and I may be going out on a limb there) that, No, I am indeed not changing my name. He hangs up on me! HOW RUDE!

     So that was the start of my day. How was yours?